Arranged Marriage in India

Indian society frequently uses an arranged marriage system. This means that when young people come of a certain age and meet certain social requirements – such as completion of school or entry into the work-force – then their parents will seek out and choose a spouse for them. The young couple will then have a period wherein they get to know each other after the parents’ introductions, and if they like each other, then they get married soon thereafter – probably within a year.

The system has the advantage that people with experience will decide for their children whether a marriage is likely to work. In the Western world, young people typically choose their own partners, and this sometimes happens for reasons which are not well-thought throw. In India, the system works well. There is a western notion that when two people fall in love, this is a special phenomenon, and sometimes also think that they each have traits which make them particularly suited for each other. In many other places in the world, societies are more practical. They know that if people are polite to each other, have social skills, and take care of their physical appearance, then they are likely to fall in love with each other, particularly if they are young.

No Indian opposes the arranged marriage system, even those who have “love marriages,” meaning western-style self-choosing of partner. Both systems work in India in different places and for different people, and there usually is no conflict. And there are with both, but there is no advantage or problem that makes one system better or worse for all people – the systems will continue to coexist, but there are trends.

One major trend is the rise of love marriages. Perhaps this is due to increased as empowerment of young people increases, as boys and girls go to the same schools and have more activities together, as media promotes dating in movies and on television shows, and for other reasons. But the arranged marriage is still the respected standard of Indian family life.

Because discussion of blood borne diseases encompasses discussion of sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to understand the conventions of sexuality prevalent in Indian society. The standard is that a man and woman will be married and exclusively sexually committed to each other and not have sexual intercourse outside their marriage. It would usually be considered shameful for either the man or the woman to have sexual relations outside marriage. However, life does not happen this way, and a certain number people everywhere in the world always have some situation where they do not live in this way.

Sanjeevani Booti takes the opinionated stance that even people who are firm believers in committed marriage have a responsibility to learn about sexually transmitted diseases, such as HIV. This organization has many reasons for this, and acknowledges that there are some drawbacks to this stance also. We encourage everyone to join in our discussion.